I’m becoming those whom I least understood:
A control freak.
For almost all my life these people have been aliens to me.
Who cares if a few papers mar an otherwise spotless desk? Or if this waiter doesn’t hustle over with the check?
As soon as I discovered that Type A and Type B personalities were a thing, I placed myself firmly in the Type B camp…
And I’ve remained there ever since. Those ultra competitive, to-do list toting masses of worry I came across might as well have been an alien species.
But now?
I’m starting to understand them – and even embrace the way they live.
A Reality Check – Stoic Style
Reading the Stoic philosophers (Aurelius and Seneca, still need to dig into Epictetus to finish the trifecta!) shocked me, terrified me, and elated me. Sometimes all at once.
More than anything, the Stoics opened up my eyes to just how much of life is outside our control.
Marcus Aurelius was the freaking emperor of Rome – the most powerful man on the planet – and reading certain passages from Meditations feels like reading an emo teenager’s diary. If that guy was so aware of his own limitations, what about us plebeian folk?
There’s an interesting contrast to writing here. With writing, you’re God with a capital “G.” You build the world, populate it, and spool the yarns of fate at will. If anything, there’s too much control. That’s why it can be so freaking difficult to stare at a blank page.
Jumping between these worlds can be jarring for that very reason. You realize that, oh yeah, you can’t just write yourself a nice dinner or conquer that demon of addiction with thought alone.
More Control Means a Better Life
All of this makes me sad when so many people out there (myself included) take the minuscule degree of control they do have in life and just…
Squander it.
They waste time. They let things slide when they shouldn’t. They settle.
I didn’t realize it back then, but a lot of times I launched into the “hey man, let’s just chill” spiel to justify putting off pursuing an epic life.
This resonates with something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately:
What does it take to live well?
I sure don’t have all the answers. But one thing I’ve noticed is that people with awesome lives seem to have a lot more control over everyone else.
They set their own hours. They live wherever they want, doing whatever they want. They pack their days with so many cool things they’re actually excited to wake up early and pursue them.
That made me wonder: How do they get all of that control in the first place?
Taking Your Power Back
Some are born with trust funds and silver spoons in hand.
But most – the ones who have to earn that control over their lives – pay a price. They have to learn how to control themselves. Some of them become control freaks.
Mastery over yourself makes you happier, healthier, and more productive. Gradually, you build up the cash and stamina – and balls – needed to live life on your own terms.
Self discipline isn’t sexy, but this year it’s my top priority. To master myself so I can shape the life I want to live. An awesome one.
Where I’m Staking My Claim
I can’t control the weather, but I can control which foods go in my mouth.
I can’t control the stupid government, but I can turn off the television and pick up a book.
I can’t control other people, but I can control myself.
Here are all the areas of life where I’m trying to stake my claim. Fellow control freaks out there, let me know if I’m missing anything!
- Attitude. This one is a toughie for me. My default mode is to see work as a chore. Maybe it’s the same for you. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Each project can become an opportunity to make a positive impact in someone’s life. Instead of complaining about what we don’t have, we can be grateful for what we’ve got.
- Effort. No one controls how hard you work or how many hours you work but you.
- Immediate environment. I’d love to be able to clean up all the pollution in the ocean on my own. But I can’t. What I can control, though, is how clean my office, apartment, and clothes are. I may not like everything in my environment (the idiot neighbors come to mind), but I can still take pride in the good stuff.
- Inputs. Most of us spend our days jumping between YouTube clips and scrolling through social media feeds. Then we wonder why our attention span is shorter than a goldfish’s. I’m super guilty of this. It doesn’t have to be this way though. I can read books instead of political gossip, watch documentaries instead of YouTube videos, and listen to smart podcasts instead of pop songs on the radio. I can drop the negative (but addictive) trash and focus on the good stuff.
- Physical health. I choose what I eat, when I eat, and how I push my body to get stronger. Instead of sitting in my office chair all day, I can get up, walk, and, you know, maybe stretch those tight hip flexors for once.
- Relationships. People are nothing if not unpredictable. That’s what makes them so interesting. I can’t control what my parents, brothers or wife do, but I can control how I treat them. I can remember to appreciate them, and hold my tongue before lashing out.
- Thoughts. Okay, okay, you can’t control all of these. (I just thought of a monkey in space.) But there’s a lot we can control here. It takes the same amount of effort to be positive or negative. It’s mostly a matter of habit – and catching ourselves before our thoughts start to spiral.
When Life Pushes You Around, Push Back
I tried the “it’s all good, man, let’s just go with the flooooow” way already. It’s useful in certain situations, like if you’re stuck at an airport or exploring a new city.
But as a default mode to live?
It fucking sucked.
Life ends up pushing you around. You bend to the breeze that others create. And before you know it, you look up, another year’s gone by and you aren’t any closer to fulfilling your dreams.
That shit ends now.
It’s time to become one of those aliens I never understood.
It’s time to take charge whenever – and wherever – I can.
It’s time to become a control freak.
Are you?
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Control Freak – Corey Pemberton